Dear Parent Coach,

We’re having to tighten our belts financially like everyone else and our children have overheard us talking occasionally about this. Now they’re making comments about not getting Christmas presents, having to do without this or that, etc. and seem somewhat anxious. How much should we involve them in this? How do we reassure them?

Signed,
Taxpayer Parents

Dear Taxpayer Parents,

Family finances are so complicated that they are beyond clear understanding for the majority of children. It is not an area that children are responsible for nor is it productive for them to be involved in adult conversations about family money woes.

One of the foundational tasks of parenting is to provide a sense of security for children. The overriding message of parents needs to be, “We love you, we will take care of your basic needs and we will keep you safe.”

In order to give this reassurance to children, parents need to keep financial issues to themselves and not burden their children with puzzling information they are incapable of comprehending or fixing.

Older children may be hearing buzz from school friends about how their families are being affected by the current national financial upheaval. Perhaps this is where the “no Christmas gifts” idea originated. Children often pick up random pieces of information from parents or overhear news programs on TV, then create dramatic interpretations of their own.

If playground talk generates direct questions from older children, be prepared to answer their questions in a straightforward way that honestly acknowledges the fact that things are shifting financially for many families. Add that your family may also need to be a little more careful with family spending, but things will be okay. Carelessly throwing out phrases like, “You may not be able to go to college” is not helpful for children to hear.

To offer reassurance to children in the midst of the shaky economy, try to keep their daily routines as normal as possible. Weekend family fun may have to look a little different as you ride out the current wave of disruption. Instead of taking the whole family to the latest movie, a less expensive game night at home with popcorn and hot chocolate may be an even better way to promote secure family bonding.

Instead of doing away with vacation altogether (upsetting to children), try one closer to home that doesn’t necessitate airfare and hotel accomodations. Perhaps a camping trip to Santa Barbara may end up being the most fun the family has experienced in a long time!

If your financial situation requires some major lifestyle changes, decide as parents what these need to be before presenting them to your children. Introduce these ideas in a matter-of-fact, bigpicture way, perhaps at a family meeting. Suggest that this is a temporary situation, and these are ways they can help the family right now.

A parent’s calm demeanor will go a long way towards relaying an attitude of, “I”m in charge, and everything will work out.” However, the most important message for children is that someone’s handling the situation, the family is still solidly intact, and they have parents who love them dearly, no matter what.

It is situations like these that often bring families closer together and help them realize that it is the people in their lives that are precious, not all the things that money can buy.

TRY THIS:

1. At a family meeting, discuss ways to reduce spending. Practical examples such as turning off lights when not in a room make children aware that such things cost money.

2. Keep allowance amounts the same, producing a feeling of security in children.

3. Help the children with a garage sale of old and unused toys. Use the proceeds for a family outing.

4. Cut down on eating out, and have a “family cook night” where everyone has fun participating.

5. High school-aged children can benefit from a part-time job, offering them valuable experience while giving them earning power to help with their own expenses.

6. Take the children grocery shopping and make a game of trying to find the least expensive bread, soup, milk, etc. See who can save the most money.