Dear Parent Coach,

How can I encourage my kids (ages 9-12) to keep up with household chores? As the year wears on, they are doing less and less on their own and I am having to remind them about doing everything, which is frustrating. Does punishment work, or should I just let it all go?

Signed,
Domestic Slave Driver

Dear Domestic Slave Driver,

By this time in the school year, most children and parents alike are wearying of routines. It takes a lot of effort to cross the finish line with as much enthusiasm as you all started out with in the fall.

Additional spring activities during the week often cause the family to arrive home later, pushing homework into a time slot when everyone is tired, resulting in later bedtimes. This leaves little space for, and zero interest in, completing household chores.

Since there are still tasks to be done around the house to keep things running smoothly for your family, your children definitely need to keep contributing and learning how to be responsible. However, the increased activity and tight schedule in the household are the culprits in this case, not your children. Punishing them would be inappropriate and unproductive.

As the family’s “domestic engineer,” you are the family member most aware of the tasks that need to be accomplished, as well as the demands of the daily schedule. This is a matter of reorganization, creative re-structuring, and occasional flexibility.

Throw out the old chore charts and start fresh with your children. By examining the week’s schedule, find pockets of free time when your children can fit the chores in. Perhaps there will be only two afternoons a week when they’ll work for 20 minutes and accomplish several things, rather than doing chores daily.

Whatever you decide works, make a new schedule so it is clear to your children what you expect from them and when. Have them notify you when they are finished so you can do a quick check. Some jobs may have to wait until the weekend when there’s a little more free time.

Remind yourself that chores are the best way to teach your children responsibility, and that’s why it’s important to hold them accountable. However, if a bed doesn’t get made one morning, it’s not the end of the world. Ask your child to make it when he or she gets home from school.

With all the added pressure at the end of the school year, give yourself and your family the gift of some flexibility. Remember that summer’s coming soon, and you can catch up on the chores then.

TRY THIS:

1. When you have your reorganized plan, call a family meeting to talk to your children about when the new chore times will be. Tell them that chores may vary each week.

2. Switch the chores occasionally so your children get the experience of doing a variety of tasks and it keeps the routine more interesting.

3. If necessary, ask family members to give one hour on Saturday morning to catch up with things that didn’t get done during the busy week.

4. Require that tasks are completed before fun activities are planned.

5. Use a sense of humor, sticky notes, or list chores on 3x5 cards if reminders are necessary.