Dear Parent Coach,

I would really like my teenage
son to find a job this summer. He is
very resistent to the idea and says
he just wants to “hang out.” He will
be going to summer school in the
mornings for six weeks, but that’s
all he has planned. Is it appropriate
to expect a teen to work nowadays?
I did when I was a teen.

Signed,
Dad

Dear Dad,

“Hanging out” is definitely a favorite pastime for teens, but an entire summer’s worth of it can be asking for trouble. Losing the structure of the school setting, with homework and related activities suspended, produces a summer void with too much unplanned time. Teens do need some down time after a hectic school year, but asking your son to work is not unreasonable and will likely produce many positive benefits.

Working during the school year is rare for teens, as most parents believe that homework should be the teen’s “job.” Therefore, summer is the perfect time to tackle part-time employment to learn more about the world outside of academics.

Adults usually have fond memories of their own teen summer jobs, working at lowly or repetitive tasks, but they often recount with humor how much fun it was and what they learned. First jobs are a rite of passage and they make for great stories later in life.

The challenges of developing new skills at a job will require perseverance, but will result in a teen gaining a sense of capability and feelings of self esteem. Working with an employer and co-workers gives one the experience of cooperation and teamwork. A summer job will teach a teen dependability of being on time, and responsibility to complete assigned chores.

Most teens are fully engrossed in their own world of friends and activities, and occasionally need to be alerted to the fact that others around them may need to be taken into account as well. Any job that requires serving the public will demand a teen to move out of his or her selfish comfort zone and develop awareness of what it takes to please someone else. Dealing with demanding or picky customers requires self-control and develops maturity.

Perhaps the hardest part of a summer job is finding it in the first place. A teen may need a parent’s help to generate ideas of how and where to go about looking — some suggestions regarding interviewing — and encouragement to follow-up after an initial contact. Working around a planned famly vacation can also be tricky.

Part of the success of a satisfying summer job experience for a teen depends on parental encouragement and guidance, and ultimate pride. When one of my daughters applied to Starbucks during summer after college, I encouraged her in advance of the interview process, shared her excitement at being hired, and dropped in for an occasional coffee to see what her job entailed and meet co-workers.

I was able to compliment her on her friendly treatment of customers, and I was bursting with pride to think she was capable of “opening up” a Starbucks store at 5:30 a.m. It was satisfying as a parent when she came home from work tired, satisfied and saturated with the yummy aroma of coffee beans, and with some money saved toward the next college year.

Once a job is found and when a teen receives that first paycheck, inevitably a smile will cross his face. He’s done things that may have been boring, or physically hard or perhaps even demeaning and he’ll feel proud he make it through. Now, he has a few extra bucks to “hang out” with his friends — and he’s actually earned it.

Your son would gain confidence, capability and cash from working a summer job. He would grow in unimaginable ways, and probably be surprised at how much he enjoyed himself. And after a little hard work, he will appreciate his free time even more.

Dad, be the wind beneath his wings and help your son look for that first memorable summer job.

TRY THIS:

1. Talk to your son about expectations of his summer activities.

2. Be clear about how many weekly hours you’d like him to work.

3. Brainstorm with him and listen to his ideas of where he might find a job appropriate for his age and capabilities.

4. Encourage him with the steps of applying and interviewing for jobs.

5. Consider the possibility of hiring him to do projects you’ve been wanting to get done at home. Set up specific work hours and standards, offer an hourly rate, and ask him to leave his cell phone with you while working.

6. Share your memories of jobs you had during your teen years. Make the stories good.