Dear Parents,

The traditional bell ringers were out again this season at the entrance to stores, arousing in each of us either feelings of charity or feelings of guilt, as we approached the familiar black buckets, either stopping to contribute or slinking by hurriedly, hopefully unnoticed. Does this ring a bell for you?

Some of you may have been caught by surprise to see an entire family manning the Salvation Army bucket in front of a local Ralphs a few days before Christmas, dressed in snazzy Santa attire and ringing that bell enthusiastically. This was the Abbott family — Kevin and Julie, with their kids Jesse (19), Katie (16), and Jake (13).

Julie related the family’s motivation to spend some of their holiday time engaging in this unusual activity. Her dad, Bob Bates, died last year, and the family decided to honor his memory by repeating something he loved to do each year for the Kiwanis Club.

“My dad did a lot of things in his life to make people happy. As an artist, he often combined his talent with his charming personality to achieve that goal. Every December without fail, he would don a Santa suit, sketch some snowmen, and ring the bell for the Salvation Army. It made him immensely happy to do his part to make Christmas special for those in need. This year, we want to honor his memory by doing the same.”

Even though the family was an enthusiastic bunch of ringers, they also experienced the traditional hot and cold responses from passersby, and noticed those traditional looks of hurried guilt as well as much openhanded generosity.

However, when the Abbott’s dog, Sophie, eventually joined the group, the family noticed an upswing in both enthusiasm as well as contributions. All bell ringers, take note for next year!

Julie had commented before the big day that they weren’t expecting to get nearly the response that her dad had generated, given his knack for getting people to smile first, and then consequently wanting to bless the black bucket.

However, at last count, the Abbott family’s little black bucket held $1,270.13, the most the Salvation Army ever tallied from one bucket, and contributions were still coming in to the family home to be passed on. Bob Bates obviously had touched many people in his lifetime, and to those who remembered him, he was still an inspiration to give generously.

You may be wondering what this family bell ringing saga has to do with parenting. Quite a lot, actually. Kevin and Julie have modeled some important lessons for their children.

First of all, the Abbots kept their family spirit alive by planning and all agreeing to participate in this activity, in spite of the varying ages of their children and the kids’ initial feelings of wanting to cooperate, or not. Together they committed to making it fun and memorable, as well as profitable. Even Sophie brought her canine enthusiasm.

Teens can be especially sensitive and self conscious about how they appear in public, especially in the eyes of their friends, yet the Abbott children rose above potential embarrassment for the principle they were representing. This had to be a character-building experience for them, and ultimately satisfying.

Julie’s idea to honor her father in this way was a great reminder to her children of Pa’s charming qualities and his beneficent spirit for a greater good, which live on in his absence. This-bell ringing memory will give the Abbott kids a continuing and positive connection to their grandpa every Christmas.

Finally, what a great way to teach children that the season brings greater personal satisfaction when it’s more about giving to those who are in need than it is about getting more and more stuff that they themselves really don’t need. These lessons are usually absorbed best by children experientially, not just with a parent’s words.

And all these parental truths were imparted in just two short hours in front of Ralphs. Thank you, Bob Bates, for inspiring continued generosity, as well as initiating good lessons in parenting, and for leaving a wonderful legacy for your grandchildren. Julie knows her dad would be proud.